my life is beautiful. i have a supportive family, a nice house, a stable friend group... yet i can't help but take it all for granted. the chemical imbalances in my brain won't allow me to feel otherwise. i'm so stupidly depressed.
i know i should have confidence in myself. i should allow myself to absorb every fleeting moment in high school & enjoy my life as a teenager. though, for some reason, i'm completely incapable of doing so.
there's this guy in one of my classes. we share the same birthday & race. he has similar classes. yet he's doing exponentially better than me.
we're so similar yet so different; i can't help but feel overwhelmingly jealous. i wish i could have half the success i perceive him to have. he has so many friends & seems like he knows what he's doing with his life. i wish i could grant myself the same stability.
that's the odd thing about me. i wish & wish & wish & do nothing about it. probably my worst trait. not even, actually. i have so many worse traits i need to confront.
i guess i wrote this to get my feelings off my chest. i think these thoughts & feel guilty until i admit it somewhere. sorry lmao
tldr; i want to die because this guy is better than me
also, is it just me, or is anyone else incapable of feeling jealousy towards women? i genuinely have a hard time feeling anything negative towards girls. someone lmk because i'm actually a little concerned by this habit.
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